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    当前位置: 爱情故事情感网 -> 伤感日志 -> 女人抽烟喝酒算不算坏女人?

    女人抽烟喝酒算不算坏女人?

    访问数:5342次 作者编辑乙 发表日期:2011-06-30 20:25:25

    在父母眼里,我是一个坏孩子。我颓废,我堕落。

      在朋友眼里,我是一个坏孩子。我抽烟,我喝酒。

      在老师眼里,我是一个坏孩子。我犯规,我违纪。

      在自己眼里,我也是一个坏孩子,一个无可奈何的坏孩子。

    女人抽烟喝酒算不算坏女人 ?

      我常常在想,自己为什么会变坏。明明自己也曾优秀过,也曾辉煌过。后来,我明白了。他们说我是坏孩子,因为我是女子。是女子,当然不能抽烟喝酒,那些意味着风尘。是女子,当然不能违规犯纪,那些意味着堕落。对于一个女子而言,堕落就等于下贱。我一直在想,我到底是自甘堕落,还是天意弄人。别人告诉我,自甘堕落的人总喜欢拿天意弄人做借口。于是,我告诉别人,我是自甘堕落.我告诉自己任何人都有权力去疲惫,就让自己放任一回,毕竟,我已经坚强得太久太久了。生命里一次次巧合和意外堆积而成的悲哀,我无力抗拒。我感觉自己被压在了幽深的水底,一层层捆绑,我可以看见阳光,却永远不能触碰。我习惯了别人把我看成坏孩子,习惯了痛和眼泪,我问自己,这一切苦难到底从何而来。因为,我是女子。

    我常常把自己关在房间里,一根接一根的抽烟。烟对于我,是心灵的麻醉。我用烟蒂烫自己的手,每一次疼痛都让我庆幸,原来自己真的还活着。我从来不对任何人示弱,一副居高临下的样子。只是在打雷的时候,我会蹲下来,抱住头,泪流满面。我的一切灰色记忆,都在雷雨天。只有在这个时候,我才会渴望,有人抱抱我。

    我相信幸福对每个人都是公平的,我相信我失去的有一天会回到我身边,我相信,我会再次被幸福萦绕。这一切,都只是我相信的,因为我是女子。因为,我要活下去。

    有时候,我想把自己变成一个彻头彻尾的坏女子。我试过很多次,去恨,去报复??墒?,我不是天才,太多事www.seorjx.com,我学不会。我仍然会在初冬之夜,习惯性的思念,思念每一个值得我思念的人。那些逝去的美好,可以给我真正的温暖,虽然,那些温暖,只能思念,不能拥抱。

    一直以来,我放肆的笑。我明白,这种纵情下面潜伏着灭亡。我一直都知道,我www.seorjx.com上的那种感觉,它叫疼痛。让我爱www.seorjx.com上疼痛的那种感觉,它叫寒冷。让我感觉寒冷的那种感觉。它叫寂寞。而让我寂寞的那种感觉,叫作恨。让我开始恨的那种感觉,却叫爱。是,毁了我的,它叫爱。
    我的心底一直都住着一只困兽,它在善与恶、理性与感性的边缘挣扎徘徊,撕扯着我的心。我没有反抗,任由它,撕碎了自己的世界。
    我一直明白,我是个残废,折断了快乐的翅膀,飞不出悲伤的海洋。
    因为,我是女子,一个坏女子。

    我心痛到哭不出来!

    13    2

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